Which Attachment Style Are You?
Attachment Theory is an area of psychology that describes how humans form emotional attachments to each other, which can help inform why certain relationships succeed and others fail. The theory states that how infants get their needs met by their caregivers greatly contributes to their “attachment strategy” throughout their lives. According to the theory, there are four attachment strategies that adults can adopt: secure, dismissive-avoidant, anxious-preoccupied, and fearful-avoidant. Understanding which attachment strategy you have adopted can help to inform you how to grow and strengthen your relationships moving forward.
Secure
Securely attached people are what we all strive to be: they tend to have open, honest, and healthy relationships. Although they can still experience relationship conflicts, their emotional intelligence allows them to work through problems with a high self-awareness. Securely attached people are overall very resilient in relationships and trust that they can be vulnerable with their partners. If you are a securely attached type, you likely grew up with plenty of love from caregivers.
Dismissive-Avoidant
People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style tend to be emotionally distant in relationships because they have a deep discomfort with vulnerability. Although they can come across as very independent, they avoid intimacy because it makes them uncomfortable. This can manifest as not expressing feelings, avoiding eye contact in emotional situations, or diffusing emotions with humor or by other means. As a result, they might have only a few truly close relationships. If you have this style, consider regularly challenging yourself to genuinely communicate your feelings to the people you care about.
Anxious-Preoccupied
People with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style strongly fear the loss of connection as a result of growing up with unhealthy boundaries or experiencing abandonment. Because of this, they are prone to low self-esteem, seeing idealized versions of their partners, overanalyzing situations, or experiencing mood swings. This can lead to turbulent relationships and dramatic or desperate actions and statements. If you have this attachment style, you should work to develop your personal passions and hobbies outside of relationships so you don’t idealize relationships as your primary source of happiness and identity.
Fearful-Avoidant
People with a fearful-avoidant attachment style simultaneously fear being too close and too distant from their partners, which can cause a flurry of unstable emotions. These people typically fear being abandoned, but also struggle to maintain intimate relationships. They might even sabotage a relationship when it becomes too deep. This inner conflict can cause many highs and lows, and can make them (and their partners) feel like they’re on a rollercoaster. Fearful-avoidant types can be victims of childhood trauma, so they might have built up very strong defense mechanisms to prevent getting hurt. If you resonate with this attachment style, it’s recommended that you work with a professional to overcome past traumas and develop trust and security.
There are an abundance of resources online to learn more about attachment theory, including this article from PositivePsychology.com. It’s important to understand that you are not stuck with one attachment style forever. Realizing and understanding your current attachment style gives you a chance to accept the work necessary to ultimately grow and achieve more security. Which attachment style do you currently resonate with?
Secure
Securely attached people are what we all strive to be: they tend to have open, honest, and healthy relationships. Although they can still experience relationship conflicts, their emotional intelligence allows them to work through problems with a high self-awareness. Securely attached people are overall very resilient in relationships and trust that they can be vulnerable with their partners. If you are a securely attached type, you likely grew up with plenty of love from caregivers.
Dismissive-Avoidant
People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style tend to be emotionally distant in relationships because they have a deep discomfort with vulnerability. Although they can come across as very independent, they avoid intimacy because it makes them uncomfortable. This can manifest as not expressing feelings, avoiding eye contact in emotional situations, or diffusing emotions with humor or by other means. As a result, they might have only a few truly close relationships. If you have this style, consider regularly challenging yourself to genuinely communicate your feelings to the people you care about.
Anxious-Preoccupied
People with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style strongly fear the loss of connection as a result of growing up with unhealthy boundaries or experiencing abandonment. Because of this, they are prone to low self-esteem, seeing idealized versions of their partners, overanalyzing situations, or experiencing mood swings. This can lead to turbulent relationships and dramatic or desperate actions and statements. If you have this attachment style, you should work to develop your personal passions and hobbies outside of relationships so you don’t idealize relationships as your primary source of happiness and identity.
Fearful-Avoidant
People with a fearful-avoidant attachment style simultaneously fear being too close and too distant from their partners, which can cause a flurry of unstable emotions. These people typically fear being abandoned, but also struggle to maintain intimate relationships. They might even sabotage a relationship when it becomes too deep. This inner conflict can cause many highs and lows, and can make them (and their partners) feel like they’re on a rollercoaster. Fearful-avoidant types can be victims of childhood trauma, so they might have built up very strong defense mechanisms to prevent getting hurt. If you resonate with this attachment style, it’s recommended that you work with a professional to overcome past traumas and develop trust and security.
There are an abundance of resources online to learn more about attachment theory, including this article from PositivePsychology.com. It’s important to understand that you are not stuck with one attachment style forever. Realizing and understanding your current attachment style gives you a chance to accept the work necessary to ultimately grow and achieve more security. Which attachment style do you currently resonate with?